John Carter: Press reviews

'Stanton has built a fantastic world, but the action is unmemorable.

'there isn't enough humour or levity to counter the often horribly portentous dialogue and Wagnerian pomp'

'It remains to be seen whether it will strike a chord with audiences the way Avatar did but, for what it's worth, this is an enjoyable if a little old-fashioned adventure.'

'...could be ‘Dune' for the 21st century – or it could be the next ‘Avatar'. Only time will tell.'

' Enjoyable enough while it lasts, John Carter is big on ambition and disappointingly short on action.'

'It's all enough to make the nose bleed. In the end, this is an epic that, for all the fastidious care lavished upon it, has far too little to engage heart or mind.'

'A bad movie should not look this good.'

'A Hollywood blockbuster to take home and meet your mother. Take from that what you will.'

'Stanton [...] never found a consistent visual scheme for the movie'

'Stanton has made a movie that is a technical marvel, but is also armrest-clawingly hammy and painfully dated'

'It's a caterwaul of colour, motion and incomprehensible plot issues'

'...a crude science-fiction parody...'

'so stultifying, so oppressive and so mysteriously and interminably long that I felt as if someone had dragged me into the kitchen of my local Greggs, and was baking my head into the centre of a colossal cube of white bread.'

'The giant turkey from Mars'

'John Carter is a terrible film with an incomprehensible story, ludicrous, mutton-headed characters and unspeakable dialogue...'